Tuesday, August 9, 2011

A mothers guilt

Today is Ryan’s first day at day care.  Yes I took the plunge and have enrolled him one day a week for sanity work reasons. I am really struggling to fit everything in now he’s become an evil two year old that I can’t take my eyes off for two seconds so the time had come and I could no longer avoid the need for undisturbed coffee work time.  But in saying that, it doesn’t make it any easier to leave my baby with a total stranger crying and reaching out for me screaming ‘Mum’ at the top of his lungs.....heart wrenchingL  I thought I would be the messy one but it was actually his older brother that didn’t cope the best with the whole situation.  He didn’t like leaving his little brother alone crying.  The whole way to kindy he kept asking me to turn around and go and get him because he was upset and wanted to come home.  For a lunatic four year old that constantly tells me Ryan’s always getting in his way, he can be so sweet and protective of his little brother.   I just have to put Nathan down to being my ‘special’ boy.....so many different personalities.
So I am sitting here writing this in total silence with hot coffee and a list of things that I ‘know’ I will get done without Ryan here but I still have an overwhelming sense of guilt for sending him to day care.  I have already rung them twice to see how he’s going and they said he is happy as can be.  I know it will get easier as he gets use to going but for some reason I just can’t seem to let go of him, he’s my baby.  As for Nathan...well it was never an issue with him, I just needed a break lol.  He’s full on 24/7 that kid, ask anyone who knows him and they will say the same thing.....like I said ‘special boy’ J
So Wednesdays are now my big work days, I just have to stop myself from organising child free outings with friends or its going to defeat the purpose of sending him......
Every now and then they can be civilised together.  Moments like these are rare and I have to take photos.
There is only one way Ryan eats yoghurt and its straight out of the tub.
I love my boys!

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